From "Perfect (Seasons) From Now On Edition"

Morning Roundup: Perfect (Seasons) From Now On Edition

Catalytic converter and R-22 freon theft are going to be growth industries. It cost me close to $1,000 to recharge the AC on my '62 Lincoln Continental Convertible. And no, I'm not going to trade it in because it's the only place I can have sex while re-enacting the Kennedy assassination.

The car crash is a fertilizing rather than destructive event. Ask anyone who's pooped their pants after t-boning a policecar.

Best. Date Movie. EVAR.

After "Emperor of the North" and "Nekromantik?" Maybe! Still, "Blue Velvet" holds a special, cherished place IN MY PANTS. Nothing compares to cuddling up with that special someone and slugging them in the jaw while screaming, "DON'T YOU F**KING LOOK AT ME!"

The Post reports the latest on the case of Reginald Jones, the MPD officer accused of participating in robbery and murder.

I can vouch for Reginald Jones being alone in his squad car. I was with him in the backseat and I'm a witness. It's also sad to see that the Council moves to penalize sidewalk smoking, yet the punishment for sidewalk defecation remains a guaranteed Ward 8 Council membership seat. But that's communism for you.

Also, that is without a doubt the sexiest iron lung [pictured] I've seen in at least a week. I'd definitely put my peter in it.

It's an old movie projector. (Not a great place to put your peter. The bulb inside is very hot and bright and there are a lot of gears.)

Meh. I've done E-stim that could handle higher voltage than that. Although I am intrigued by process of fornication with outdated technology. How does sex with this projector compare to doing it with, say, a Nixie clock? Maillardet's automaton? Is any special technique involved, or can you just slip it a roofie? Most importantly, where is the g-spot? Because I don't want to spend half an hour fondling a rivet.