From "Nickles Apologizes to Cheh With Flowers"

Nickles Apologizes to Cheh With Flowers

Hey, flowers always work when I call my woman "stupid" and "angry." They're stupid like that.

Politics in this town is nothing but sound and fury signifying nothing. All has turned to vain ambition. A thousand years this city has stood and now at the whim of a madman it will fall. The old wisdom born out of the west was forsaken. Kings made tombs more splendid than the houses of the living and counted the old names of their descent dearer than the names of their sons. Childless hipsters sat in aged group houses musing on charcuterie or in high, cold condos asking questions of the stars like "what does 'halfsmoke' mean?" And so the people of DC fell into ruin. The line of Mayors failed. The White Castle and the Little Tavern withered. The rule of DC was given over to lesser men.

And soon you will all beg for a merciful death after Peter "The Mouth of Sauron" Nickles starts a suspicious fire at the Reichstag, declares martial law, Senator Jar-jar grants the Mayor emergency powers over the Galactic Senate, and he climbs onto the podium with "The Rainbow Connection" playing in the background and delivers the most important speech of his career:

"The revolution is successful, but survival depends upon drastic measures. Your continued existence is a threat to the order we have restored. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. I, therefore, have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV."

Anyway, don't blame me. I voted for Kang.