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About Monkeyrotica
Filling the hole after DCist's Magical World of Monkeyrotica shut down. A leader among DC's blog commentati, he quips it up with the best. If ever you find a quote of his is worthy of shining the light of Wit on this page, please alert me. Monkey's clever bon mots will be added when noted.
DCist Morning Roundup: Marriage Made in Heaven Edition
Everybody's talking about how the next Mayor of DC is either going to be Fenty or Gray. This gay marriage bill shows where the real power is on the Council. I think the turd in the punchbowl that nobody's talking about is right there in Ward 8. There you'll find a candidate with years of political experience, longstanding ties with the business community, a track record of dealing with troublesome neighbors, a history of smashing trade unions, and a hatred of homosexuals. I'm talking, of course, about Hitler. Now, I know you're thinking, "National Socialism? In this century?" But think about it. Has the particular brand of socialism the DC Government's been practicing been all that successful? I mean, look at DC's so-called gun control program. If you want a successful gun control program, you need to look to Germany in the 1930s. Unemployment? Crime? Nonexistent under National Socialism. And you can just forget about those irritating Frenchmen and Poles and dwarves and Jews and homosexuals and Jewish dwarfs and the homosexual Jewish dwarfs. Did I mention the Polish dwarfs?
Just admit that you'd like "certain" people in DC to just disappear: criminals; teenagers; people who can't drive, walk, ride a bike, or wipe their a$$; that jerk who won't put the phone down when they're ordering coffee; old f**kers who buy single sticks of butter with pennies; "those" people and their smelly cooking. Yes, I can feel the anger flowing through you. It gives you focus. The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment, you make yourself more my servant. Anyway, if Star Trek has taught us anything, it's that you can successfully use Mein Kampf to run a planet, just so long as your evil plotting henchman Melakon doesn't drug you heavily and use you as a zombie mouthpiece. And I'm sure that will never be a problem with any of the City Councilmembers, Sinclair Skinner, or certain fraternity members. Now, on your feet, Zeon pig! Keep your hands up so you don't touch anything Ekosian! And remember to vote Hilter für ein Besseres Meinhead!