From "Another Reality TV Show Casting in D.C."

Another Reality TV Show Casting in D.C. - DCist

AWARD-WINNING DC BASED PERVERT is NOW CASTING for a new f**k-u-reality series set in Washington DC! We are currently looking for a range of women in DC, from young up-and-cummers (bored trust fundies, amateur pr0nstars, Weeble fetishists, and panda amputees) to the real ballbusters on the Hill (undersexed congresswomen, bitchy socialites, and baristas in heels) We want the Elektra Woman and Dyna Girls of Washington who aren't afraid of a little of the old in-out-in-out. This "show" will follow these high-octane women as they walk all over my face with Kansas/Boston/Blue Oyster Cult playing in the background.

If you and your circle of friends are interested, or just have camera pics of you reclining in an inflatable pool full of tapioca pudding, please submit an email care of this address:

BLACKMAIL
BEHIND THE WATER PIPES
THIRD MEN'S ROOM ALONG
VICTORIA STATION

Please include: Name, age, occupation, SSN, major credit card numbers, along with power of attorney. Tell us why you think a raven is like a writing desk. Don’t forget to add recent compromising photos, and a contact number where we can send your remains.

NO WEIRDOS.

From "Alarm Wakes Up All of Cleveland Park at 5:30 AM"

Alarm Wakes Up All of Cleveland Park at 5:30 AM - DCist

"Department of Emergency Management" = milk jug in car's backseat

It appears that the alarm may be part of a Municipal Civil Defense system.

So is it or isn't it?

The University has contacted the appropriate District and Federal agencies to resolve this concern.

How do you contact the "appropriate" officials if you don't even know who the alarm belongs to?

Now, I'm no fancy city lawyer monkey (GASP!) but it seems to me that an alarm is supposed to indicated to people that they need to do something. When the fire alarm goes off, you leave the building. When the cop siren goes off behind you, you pull over. When your tailgunner starts bubbling, it's time to go ca-ca. WTF is up with a nondescript siren going off for an hour and nobody knows who set off the alarm, who the alarm belongs to, and what the alarm is supposed to indicate?

And WTF is up with "Civil Defense" anyway? Didn't we get rid of all that Mccarthy-era cr@p when Reagan became a contra and rescued all those christian aid workers being held in Burma? I thought Homeland Security was supposed to handle that nonsense, or are they just in charge of the flamethrowers we're supposed to use to burn all the corpses? Because their website is totally lacking any details on alarm responses, corpse burning procedures, or even rudimentary zombie attack survival scenarios.